$$$ Trouble

Sigh...

Ridiculous it may sound but something just happened to my brother. His boss ran away with the company assets leaving my brother jobless...

The trouble is he just bought a car last year and is still trying to pay off the payment of the car monthly. Each month he needs to pay off around SGD500. Last time while he still had his job, my mom asked me to help him pay his monthly car fees just to lighten his burden. I agreed to only help him by contributing 50 dollars.

But up till now I still have not actually give him the money monthly because I find that I do not have enough money left each month for me to save. Then now my brother is jobless, how is he going to afford to pay the monthly 500 dollars for the car?

Yesterday night, my mom came into my room, with redden and wet eyes, obviously she was no the verge of crying. She told me that my brother and I need to help with the flat debt. Because her money is drying up soon..

My first reaction:
Remain quiet...

After awhile she just kept saying did I hear her? And I must try to minimise my spendings.

My reaction in my mind:
Angry, frustrated...

Bad side of me thinking:
In the first place, if you can't afford a brand new flat, why would you want to buy it? Buying this flat just tied down too many things, plus it is making her suffer as it is a huge liability. I know that she was thinking during that time, that when my brother and I grew up and started working, we could help her. But I'm sorry to say that her 2 children are useless... My brother's career never took off, after all these years of working his pay came to be only SGD 2,500. As for me, needless to say, I suffered the same fate as my brother. I guess she didn't foresee that! Plus I really need to save up to get a new computer. I can't imagine how am I going to do that if she ask me to contribute a good 400-500 dollars per month(while I only earn 1,350 after CPF) AND also help my brother with his car loan!!! I have got other things like wisdom tooth extraction to worry about... And what about after my job contract? I still need some money to make it through until the company has new projects to do and provided that they are willing to call me back then I can guarantee that I have a job! Anyway I know what you all are thinking, that I'm a selfish bitch. But I admit that I am a selfish bitch...so...

Good side of me thinking:
It is not like I'm not grateful that my mom wants us to live comfortably. Really, I'm truly grateful to her for that. I know my family needs me now. And that as a part of the family, I have got to help out. But it is just isn't fair. When stuff like this happened, my mom will always come to me... And when I kept quiet etc, she will point finger at me saying that I'm selfish etc etc... But never once I heard her say that my brother is selfish or whatever... My mom is just biased... From young till now...
Anyway I told my friends about helping out with my brother's car loan, most of their reaction is why do I need to help him? Because I didn't even use his car! And there were one incident that I bought a new 300 dollar handphone and my brother said

"Wow, this 300 dollars amount to the 6 months of 50 dollars that you have promised to give me but haven't give me yet leh..."

I was really angry but kept quiet at that time. He still got the cheek to say that!? He asked my mom to ask me whether if I could help him and not ask me personally, yet still dare to say such things? Plus is that the tone to ask someone for help? It was because of that incident that I was reluctant to help him. Yesterday when my mom told me about us contributing into the flat debt, I could not bear to tell her that if she couldn't afford to buy a new flat, why buy? That is what my father told her before and she was really angry! So I kept very quiet yesterday. I will help my mom with the flat debt but I can only help so much so I would just tell her I can only give her how much and pray that she don't say it's just too little. Don't expect me to pay a good 400-500 dollars, I am not earning 3k of salary here...I can't help my brother with his car loan already. But I will see how...

Maybe I worry too much, maybe my brother can find a job soon. Maybe everything will solve in time... But everything is just "maybe"... =(